


The Hug reloaded

by legolastariel



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hugs, M/M, Nonverbal Communication, POV First Person, POV Rick Grimes, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 10:43:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8841481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legolastariel/pseuds/legolastariel
Summary: Rick's thoughts and emotions while he hugs Daryl (finally!!) at the Hilltop after they've been separated.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Hug](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8834608) by [TWDObsessive](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TWDObsessive/pseuds/TWDObsessive). 



> Sorry, I did it again. Hope you nice people don't mind, especially TWDObsessive, because this story here is the brother of her story "The Hug". She wrote Daryl's POV and she writes an awesome Daryl, so I gave Rick's POV a try again. 
> 
> Beta'ed by the lovely Staceykc (thank you!) and just a little something on the most wonderful Rickyl scene in 6 1/2 seasons of TWD. Hope you'll like it.

**The Hug reloaded**

 

People died again. Despite our agreement with Negan and despite the fact that I’ve done all I possibly could to provide for him just the way I promised, he didn’t keep his side of the bargain. 

Olivia is dead. Spencer is dead. And they took Eugene. 

Spencer had himself in for it. I’d be lying if I said his death pained me. Still, he has done nothing that would justify killing him. There was a time I used to think that nothing, nothing at all, would justify killing someone, but that must have been in another life, in another world.

It would be easy to blame Olivia and Eugene’s fates on Rosita. Just like it would be easy to blame Daryl for Glenn’s death. 

In fact, she tried to put an end to all this, just like Daryl back then. An end to being humiliated, harassed, taunted, used, abused, tortured and killed – and having to say “Thank you” for it. 

While I was out there with Aaron, working for that bastard, my teenage son attempted an assassination. Eugene made Rosita a bullet, Michonne was out there gathering information.

They never told me to the face that they don’t accept my decisions any longer, that they don’t respect my leadership and can’t follow down the path I’ve chosen another day. There was no need for that. They’ve shown me. While I bowed and knelt, risked my life and Aaron’s to gather supplies for _him_ , it was them _doing_ something. And they were right.

We cannot possibly head out any further than we already did. That run took us two days already and Aaron almost died and still it wasn’t enough. It will never be enough. And it will never end, unless we end it. 

This is why I agreed to heading out to the Hilltop today. We need allies. There will be war. There has to be a war.

 

I haven’t told them. Haven’t repeated to them what I told Maggie the night Glenn and Abraham were killed. That we cannot fight back, because … because …

         _“They have Daryl.”_

How can I tell them that this thought is torturing me to no end, has me finding no sleep, makes me want to scream? How can I tell them that I would gladly go on providing for Negan, if only Daryl was safe.  
After witnessing how our agreement was trampled on, not even that is certain, I am aware of that. But starting a war against the Saviors is like signing Daryl’s death sentence personally.   
Aren’t they aware of that? Don’t they care? Do they think one man’s life cannot justify hundreds of others to be at stake every single day?   
I can't even blame them for thinking that way. He’s not _their_ world. He’s mine. 

When we arrive at the gate of the Hilltop and I hear Maggie’s voice announce our arrival, I appear to be calm and in control while my heart is beating frantically and I have to fight back tears. 

I wish there was another way. Negan is an unpredictable psychopath, but if we attack, there is no way he will let that pass without hurting Daryl.   
I’m about to put the man I love into the line of fire and they expect me to give the firing order. Do they even realize that? Probably not. They cannot know how I feel. I was a fool not to realize it myself until now. Now that it’s too late. 

He will never know.   
He will die thinking I didn’t even care enough to come for him. To at least try to get him out. He will go in the belief that we are all blaming him for Glenn’s death and consider this a justified punishment. He will consider himself nobody, nothing again, not knowing that to me he is _everything_. 

Maggie opens the gate and starts smiling instantly, while I pull her into a tight hug. God, I wish she was Daryl. I miss him so much that it hurts. I need him here with me. Need to see his face, hear his voice, feel his touch. Need _him._ I cannot do this without him. I just can’t. And I don’t know how to break it to them, that while they are looking to me to lead them, I’m still the weakest of them all. 

There is a movement behind Maggie’s back, and when I look up I’m sure my heart stops beating for a second. 

Is this even possible? Is it really him or am I dreaming with my eyes open? I cast Maggie a quick glance and see her give a confirmative nod, smiling. It _is_ him.

It takes all of my willpower not to run, while my feet seem to have a mind of their own and move in his direction as quickly as only possible. We’ve always been like two magnets, drawn to each other magically – and I was a fool not to see why.

He barely dares look at me, blinks back tears the same way he’s done when I last saw him in Alexandria. He’s at a lack for words, tries to be brave – same as I. We’ve both made mistakes, many of them. But that is in the past. What’s done is done. What’s said is said. There’s nothing we can do about that, save for trying not to repeat these mistakes. And it’s the things that have _not_ been said and done that worry me most.

Daryl dips his head and starts to cry, looking as lost as I feel. We have never hugged before, despite everything we’ve been through. Maybe we did too much thinking, had too many fears and doubts get in the way.   
I’m not thinking now and I’m not afraid anymore. And if there’s ever been a time I was sure of something with all of my heart, it is now. 

All I do is feel when I pull him into my arms and I never felt that right in my whole life. I hold him tight, run my fingers through his hair and bury my face in the crook of his neck, so no one sees my own tears. I need to be strong – for my family, for him. Need to be stronger than ever before, so I never gonna let him down again. 

No more fears. No more doubts. No more things unsaid that need to be said. Now.

         “You know I love you, don’t you?” I whisper in his ear and feel him nod, while he hugs me closer.

 

It’s not gonna end. Nothing will, save for Negan and the Saviors. The communities are going to last, our family will – and us. Him and I. From now on I wanna hug him every single day we still have together. I don’t ever wanna let go again and I need more than what we had before.

When I reluctantly let go and turn around to start walking towards the Barrington House, they all fall in behind me and follow me once again. I know Daryl is right there by my side, just that one step behind me the way he’s always been. And I don't want to find that spot empty ever again.  
Right before we reach the stairs I feel his hand touch mine. Gently, just for a moment, giving me hope and reassurance in a way only he has ever been able to.    
I _know_ there will be other hugs. And more.

We started something today, and it’s not a war. 

**Author's Note:**

> Just before Rick let's go of Daryl again, it does in fact look for a second as though Daryl was nodding to something he may have whispered in his ear. Especially if you watch this in an endless re-run on tumblr in all those gifs. :-)) Those sort of inspired Rick's words to him here. And who knows ... Maybe by the end of season 12 we will get our Rickyl KISS as well. :-)
> 
> Thanks for reading and I please drop me a line.


End file.
